The Talk - White Saviorism in the Non-Monogamous Community - IG Post

It's time we've had the talk. There is internalized anti-Blackness in the non-monogamous community.


Many educators, content creators, or safe space curators will not acknowledge that the non-monogamous community can be anti-black. It is a disservice to Black non-monogamous people to not acknowledge that many events, education, and spaces are not in the interest of comfort and accessibility for Black people (BP). Black people, most spaces, events, and/or educational materials were not made with us in mind...if anything, we were an afterthought.


White Saviorism?

The white savior complex is the critical and sarcastic description of a white person who is depicted as saving the day - aka rescuing, liberating, educating, and uplifting non-white people. It is usually seen with non predominantly white countries where citizens are seen as inactive recipients of white generosity. There can be an air of "let me educate you" from white people in non-monogamous educational and recreational spaces to BP. It is expected, and it should not be welcomed. Every time a bp arrives in a space, it is not the time to attempt to educate with the assumption that BP "do not know any better." Sometimes this urge to be a savior is rooted in the belief that BPare not as intelligent or lack access to know as much as their white counterparts.


What it looks like...

It may look like entering a space or event where white people seem to be quizzing you on your non-monogamy. Sometimes those questions feel like they are analyzing to see if you know what you are talking about. It can look like aggressively being corrected without them understanding the context. You may feel like you are being challenged about something that usually would not require that type of energy. These spaces may focus their energy on where you learned non-monogamy (especially if you are polyamorous or into BDSM). If you feel that it is coming off as condescending or that they are looking for an opportunity to help educate you, it is a sign that this space is not for you. Even if you are correct, if there are enough saviors present, you will be met with "we are just trying to help."


[image] Illustration of three cis men sitting at a table barefoot, eating pizza and drinking beer. Two are White; one is Black. The Black man says: "I've been polyamorous for 15 years. I don't need you to tell me what metamour means dude...I already know." The White man on the opposite end of the table responds: "I just wanted to make sure!"


To those trying to be allies:

WS is racist entitlement.

Assuming BP don't know or need your guidance is racist. Unless someone is asking for help or is putting others' safety at risk - do not critique or come to save the day. Understand the difference between white saviors and resource allocation due to racism. This does not automatically mean we need your help.

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