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You Need Friends - IG Post

"You Need Friends" is an IG Post on Marjani Lane. This is the accessible read-only text.

navigating the polyamorous community

You should create platonic friendships with people who are polyamorous or non-monogamous. A pit polyamorous people fall into is not having friends in the community they reside in. Just friends. It seems obvious that one should have access to your community beyond romantic & sexual intimate partners, but let's go over the reasons anyways...

Iron Sharpens Iron

Having friendships with people who live & love similar to you is an investment that expands your education and accountability. If you have friends who are always looking to learn - you are more likely to do the same. If they are serious about accountability and ethics, you can best believe they will hold you (or your partners) accountable for any unethical behavior.


There are times in your life where you would benefit greatly from the support of friends in the non-monogamous community, whether you are celebrating an achievement or experiencing grief. Support from a non-monogamous friend can be priceless if you are "coming out" to family or a significant other. those are not times to be alone in case it goes poorly. They may be able to advise you with tips and their experience navigating those conversations. Sometimes we also need dating and family advice that is polyamorous focused.

Sense of Community

The polyamorous community is not simply a bunch of established intimate relationships and people searching for a lover. In the community there are people hosting meet & Greets, conferences, creating media and more. the community is not only a place to find a fit for a potential lover(s). Having platonic friendships where you can explore these options not only enriches yourself but the community as a whole. When the focus of the polyamorous community is romance - opportunities for non-romantic enrichment is lost. You can attend meet & greets with friends, create new experiences between friends and their polycules, and set up a support system. Intimate (non-platonic) relationships are not the end-all, be-all of a community.

When the entire community's focus is on creating romantic and s*xu@l connections - it isolates those who are simply seeking platonic companionship. Some people go to polyam meet ups simply because they are seeking likeminded friends in the community. We have to cultivate networking spaces where people can make friends without the pressure of seeking out companions.

Be Intentional

Make it an integral part of your journey in polyamory to acquire friends who love similarly to you. having polyam friends creates a sense of belonging. This does not mean you should force friendships with metas or other people in the community. Nor does it mean that your monogamous friends are not good "enough". Being intentional simply means creating the space and opportunity to have those platonic connections. It means not treating every event as a speed dating opportunity.

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