Moving In - IG Post

The Move In

Whether you are moving in with one partner or multiple partners, it has been decided to nest with each other. Nesting has plenty of benefits, but do not let the excitement keep you from adequately planning and protecting yourself. Ideally, nothing terrible will happen, but sometimes things do. Whether it be a loss of job affecting the ability to pay rent, household chores that aren't being done, or even a breakup, do yourself a favor and flesh out some things BEFORE you move in.


Can You Move Out?

Of course, you can move in, but can you afford to move out? If something were to happen in the relationship of your life, could you afford to move out of the home? Before you move in, prepare yourself financially with a nest egg. If you cannot do that, do you have some way to start putting money aside while living there if you have to leave? You can further this plan by making sure you have friends, family, or other partners you could go to if you need to leave but do not have money for a place to stay immediately. It is completely okay to be financially independent outside your nesting partners.


I am financially dependent...which is why I am moving in with my partner(s) - to save money.


Group economics can help alleviate financial distress and allow those affected to decrease debt and increase savings however... It would be best if you still had a backup plan: a shelter, friend/family home, or any other temp housing in the case of an emergency where you can no longer stay with your partners. This also means putting money aside - even if it is just $50 monthly. Breakups and fights happen. If something happens to a partner and their property doesn't belong to them, you may be asked to leave. While no one wants to imagine the worst, do not wait until the worst happens to start working on a plan.


How Do They Live?

Have you spent the night more than a few times observing how your partner(s) live? How someone maintains their home when visiting versus when no one is around is a reality. Even if your partner(s) is a fantastic lover, they may be a nightmare for a roommate or landlord. Moving out due to living incompatibility could trigger a breakup or resentment, so do your research before starting the nesting process.


  • Do they leave food out overnight in the sink or prefer to clean up?

  • Do they follow a strict evening and morning routine? Do they expect others to do the same?

  • Are the children (if any) allowed to roam free, or do they follow a schedule? If you have a child, where will they fit into this?

  • Do they have a pet, or are they comfortable with you having a pet?

  • Is the pet allowed to roam free? Does it sleep on the bed or walk on the counters?

  • Are they lazy when it comes to home upkeep? Do they expect or assume others will keep up with chores?

  • Are they someone who obsessively cleans, keeps order, and expects others to do the same?

Tips

  • Keep your accounts separate - even if there is a "pool" for the house, you should still have your own account.

  • If they are on a lease, request to review it with them.

  • You need to know what their lease entails; even if you are not on it,

  • it is best to be on the lease or sublease (if allowed) if possible. Not doing so could be a breach of contract and get your partner(s) kicked out

  • if there is a group economics plan - make sure you see, understand, and agree with it before you move into the home.

  • Make sure you have your own financial goals that you should* take care of first (especially if you are financially dependent)

Household Expectations

Before moving in, discuss what is expected of you (and your children, if relevant) within the home. You may be expected to "fill in the gaps" or fully take on specific responsibilities. Is the delegation of labor equal to each person's abilities? If you were not expecting to be the cook because you're better at handling money, you need to make this known BEFORE you move in. You do not have to accept what is "given" to you if you feel more comfortable doing something else. even if moving in with a partner is meant to help you, this does not translate to being someone's handmaiden.


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