Reclamation Rituals in Non-Monogamy - IG Post

What are rituals?

a series of actions or types of behavior regularly and invariably followed by someone.

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a religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order.

rituals reinforce beliefs, values, and behavior. they can be used to cleanse energy, align oneself, clear the mind, ensure preferred outcomes, and promote structure. rituals can be person, culture, and religion specific. they can be rites of passage, funerals, worship rites, purification rites, atonement, feasting based, s-xual rites, and more.


What is reclamation?

the process of claiming something back or reasserting a right.

often reclamation is referenced concerning property that was initially or rightfully someone's. reclamation could mean, for some people, restoring something to its former glory. it could also be turning a wasteland into something suitable for cultivation or habitation.


Reclamation Rituals

"reclamation rituals" may not be used to signify the acts happening in someone's non-monogamous relationships, and it is best to not reference them as such unless someone has explicitly said so. in non-monogamy, some partners may find it important to do acts of reclamation or reclamation rituals once their partner leaves or returns from another partner. reclamation may also happen after a breakup within or outside the partnered people after a partner has been physically intimate or shared emotional energy with someone else. reclamation rituals are not to be confused with purification rituals, while they may overlap. some people have purification rituals they engage in with their partners - which are more focused on the mutual cleansing of energy, bodies, and spaces VERSUS a reclamation of said partner's energy, body, and space.


Examples

the reclamation ritual typically will happen as a prerequisite to transition "back" into a shared space (in terms of physical, emotional, spiritual, etc connection).

  • when a partner goes outside the established open triad for s-x, when they return, their partners will reclaim them s-xually.

  • after going to a sw-nger event, the sw-nger spouse will have to remove all of their clothes, wash, and sit down for a debrief with their partner - reconnecting to them.

  • a couple in a long-distance open relationship reclaims each other when united by getting off dating apps, deleting numbers of flings, and emotional reconnection.


Why?

why someone would want their partner to go through reclamation to be received by them varies by the person and relationship. this is not always rooted in some form of unethical control, infidelity concerns, or insecurity.

  • protocol requirement for a BDSM relationship they share

  • a kink one or all involved partners have

  • an insecurity - may express a need to reclaim out of fear of partner being lost

  • nonconsensual objectification of partner - may be coupled with saying "I need to reclaim your body, mind, etc." from another partner (s)

  • unethical control/abuse - may be associated with expressing that their partner is "dirty" or "tainted" and intended to make them feel bad

  • gender or genitalia aversion - which may be rooted in biphobia, transphobia, etc


Your Choice

for obvious reasons, "reclamation" can incite some adverse reactions. reclamation typically is aligned with seeing something as property or degraded and in need of an upgrade or restoration. reclamation rituals may be a way for a partner to feel reconnected, validated, and secure in their relationship. this doesn't necessarily mean that a reclamation ritual is ethical, consensual, or healthy. regardless of their reasoning, you do not have to consent, especially if it makes you feel like you are "dirty" or being punished for being non-monogamous. however, for some people, reclamation rituals are non-negotiables in their relationships. however, in the same way, they can express their preference for it, you can express a preference against performing it. the choice is always yours.

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