"Fatphobia" is an IG Post on Marjani Lane's Instagram. This is the read-only text.
in the non-monogamous community
What is fatphobia?
Fatphobia is the negative and deadly social stigmatization of fatness, obesity, and plus size people. this is inclusive of gaining weight. Fatphobia can be deadly because of the devaluation of health, safety, and general lives from fatphobic people. This devaluation seeps into the medical and health industry, safety considerations, and popular culture. it is dehumanizing. Fatphobia is the condescending entitlement to tell a larger person that they need to lose weight or something they are doing is unhealthy. Fatphobia is a medical professional assuming a larger person is lazy or lacks self control - which in turn diminishes the quality of healthcare they will receive. Their health complaints are more likely to be ignored and attributed to their weight only - which is deadly.
What does non-monogamy have to do with this?
Fatphobia is present and RAMPANT in the non-monogamous community. The community is not as inclusive as it imagines itself to be. It is in the lack of representation of larger fat bodies, weight biases for entry to lifestyle events, how people "excuse" unethical behavior to pursue more partners based upon their partner's weight, desirability politics, and more.
It goes without being said that the swInger lifestyle community is heavily riddled with desirability politics. Some of these lifestyle parties require guests to send pictures and their height & weight to pick who can attend. since there are not legal ramifications of turning away fat people - it happens. And IF plus size individuals are granted entry - they are faced with the a likelihood of being rejected, shamed, or fetishized. Some people will deny their attraction simply off of someone's weight - this extends beyond the lifestyle community into the romantic realms of non-monogamy.
There is very little coverage of fat non-monogamous people. Television shows typically seek out thinner people. educators do not use a variation of sizes in their content or in who they support. When you search polyamorous representations they will almost never be larger people in those dynamics. and it is not like all polyam people are skinny - because they are not...
Some people use their partner's weight as an "excuse" to pursue plural relationships. they relate their partner's weight to desirability and use it to shame their partner into letting them seek out other partners.
Fat people are not afforded access to some dating experiences due to fatphobia. Some virtual and community led non-monogamous dating match makers turn them away.
Fatphobic people may use larger people strictly for s*x*al relationships in the non-monogamous community. these people devalue any meaningful connections to anyone they consider fat.
Partners and metamours may fat shame someone in a dynamic by suggesting diets, harassing them, and toxic allyship:
"Omg, you have so much confidence to wear that at that size! You have such a pretty face!"